February 22 - Happy Birthday Dad

(n)numb: 1 : devoid of sensation especially as a result of cold or anesthesia 2 : devoid of emotion : INDIFFERENT - numb transitive verb - numb·ly /'n&m-lE/ adverb - numb·ness noun

Both apply today. Happy 69th daddy. I miss you. Still.

Thanks Boo, I Owe You One

Last week was a rough week, we all three were down sick for what seemed like forever. Here's an interesting event during one of those nights, not sure which one as they all ran together eventually.. . . . . . . . . .I'm laying on my couch, trying to catch some zzzz's in the middle of a restless night, as I often try to do, and had evidently, finally, dozed off. I remember having a dream, and for once, a pleasant one, because I was visiting with my brother Wayne. I remember all of a sudden realizing that he looked so fresh, so young, so healthy, and HAPPY. I remember being overcome with a sense of relief to see him in this state. We exchanged some pleasantries and it felt so good to visit with him. He then proceeded to tell me I needed to wake up. I refused, not wanting to leave my dream. YOU NEED TO WAKE UP! Ok, ok. . . OK! I'll wake up. Good thing too, I was shaking like a leaf, sicker than usual. Decided I'd better check my blood sugar. Hmmm, it's 37. Thanks Boo. I owe you one.

Y.M.C.A.

No, not the song by the Village Fags. The one down the street from my house. We've been having fun hangin' out at the Y, and the boys are really turning into fish. They always have been. . . . . but they have stepped it up a notch. BB loves to do flips off the diving board now, and LB is even braving the big slide.

And, now don't faint, I've actually started walking on the treadmill. I can finally wear a shoe for over an hour and decided to start walking. I'm only up to about 3 times a week, but that's better than 0 like it has been for over a year. I guess the incentive of possibly having to have my little toe amputated has helped too. The scar tissue has built up so bad in the toe I had the bone removed in, that if I don't get blood flowing in there better, they're gonna take it off. Not gonna happen. Not on my watch!

YES M'aam!!

Well, I was certainly put in my place on Sunday! Miss Precious here, otherwise known as Sweet Girl let me have it!

I attended my sister's ward on Sunday because they were performing their Primary Program and 1.) she needed help watching Little Man during the program since she was in charge, and 2.) Miss Sweet Girl was singing a duet with mommy and I wanted to be there!

Ok, Sweet Girl and I have this thing where we tease each other, and I guess, maybe sometimes I go too far. Who, me?? lol - Anyway, her favorite song is "Scripture Power" and every time she sings it to me I make up silly words to go in the place of the real words. It's a tradition. She always has a good giggle out of it. Or so I thought........

As she got up from the pew to go sit with the Primary for the program, she put her cute little finger in my face and said to me: "I am glad you are here, insert my name, because we are singing Scripture Power and it is my favorite song and you need to learn the right words, cuz you ALWAYS sing it wrong!!!! Now LISTEN, ok?"

My only response I could think of was, "Yes, Maam!"

Proud Momma

Just me, braggin again. Both the boys received awards at the 1st Quarter Awards Assembly last Friday at school. BB came away with the Citizenship Award and LB received an Academic Achievement Award. Way to go boys!

Also, have to give LB his props - he competed in his first "Turkey Shoot" Saturday put on by the local Parks & Rec. Depts. It's a free-throw competition. He placed 2nd in his age group. He received a gift certificate worth $10 towards a program at the Parks & Rec. Dept., which worked out great since he had already asked to sign up to play basketball in February. BB competed too and did a good job, he made 50% of his shots, which I am proud of, he just had a larger group of boys to compete against, and against boys who have been playing for a longer time. He had a game Saturday morning in which he made 4 baskets and he was on cloud 9 from that.

Pumpkinocide

Well, they finally graduated to flying solo on the jack-o-laterns! Not bad for first-timers I think. And they got to be lit on the front porch for a grand total of about 30 minutes....lol. I guess you have to be home more than an hour a day to be traditional. Oh well, they had fun!! I should have taken a picture of the inch of sprinkles on the floor after they were finished decorating the Halloween cookies!!

Happy Halloween: Priceless

1st Devil mask purchased in September: $1.00

2nd better Devil mask purchased in October: $6.99

Devil trident: 1.99

Material to make Devil cape: $4.99

Time spent making Devil cape: 1 hour

Red sweatshirt: $4.99

Red spray for Devil hair: $1.99

Devil changing his mind one hour before trick-or-treating

to be a ninja for the third year in a row: PRICELESS

Bittersweet Pumpkins

Perhaps I should explain. . . .

Today we carried out a tradition that has been going on for over 1o years. My parents started the tradition of taking all the grandchildren to the pumpkin patch before my boys were born. It has been an event that has been looked forward to with great anticipation every year by the children. Even the adults have fun.

Two years ago when Dad passed away, the last family get-together we had was the visit to the pumpkin patch, just 3 days before he died.

So, last year was a bit of a struggle, but we went. His absence was painfully noted by all. So, this year, we thought maybe we'd try a different pumpkin patch, to try to switch things up a bit. The kids all had a great time, but, once again, we found ourselves feeling that huge void. And, as if that weren't bad enough, we spent a good part of the day trying to coordinate the details of how to attend my aunt's funeral this Tuesday in Port Townsend, Washington. Like I said, bittersweet.

This week has been a hard week. Tuesday I found out that one of my uncles has just been diagnosed with cancer. Wednesday I found out that a very close uncle has cancer that has returned. Thursday was the 2 yr. anniversary of Dad's passing. Friday morning, my aunt passed away. Today, the pumpkin patch.

I think tomorrow I am going to burrow deep under my blankets and stay there!!

Goodbye Aunt Jo

This morning (October 20th) I received one of those phone calls.

My dear Aunt Georgia passed away this morning at 7:30 a.m. She has been ill for years, but was recently doing better. One of those things where it isn't a big surprise, but was very unexpected to me. I didn't even know she had been back in the hospital again. I guess her liver had finally had enough. Funny thing is I haven't talked to them for a long time, but at 3:30 this morning had tried to send them an e-mail (a link to this blog so they could keep abreast of the kid's activities) and it came back to me as undeliverable. Probably for the best considering the timing it would have been received in.

I'll always remember Aunt Jo for her laughter, her ability to make any one feel at home, and her cheery outlook on life. She was a sweet person and I always hoped I would be like her when I grew up. Visits from Jim & Jo were always looked forward to with great anticipation. It always meant there would be an evening full of laughs and good times. Jim lovingly referred to my 2 sons as "the little Turks."

God bless you and keep you till we meet again Aunt Jo. You will be missed. Try not to get into too much trouble with Dad, ok? I love you.

A love note to Heaven

Well, here we are . . . . two years later. Already. And yet, it was just yesterday, wasn't it?

I miss you so much Dad. I don't know who coined the phrase that it gets easier with time, because that is a flat-out lie. If anything, it gets harder. I still expect to see you following Mom through a door, or sitting in the driver's seat when I pass a tan Park Avenue, or to hear your voice when I call your house. And when the harsh reality of your absence brings me crashing back to that horrible day, it rips the scabs off the wounds (as if they would ever get to heal anyway...).

I let BB and LB stay home from school today. They heard we were getting the family together to have lunch and visit and then go together to the cemetary to pay our respects and it was very important to them to come. They made sweet pictures to lay on your grave, both of them of lighthouses. They also picked out some funny-faced pumpkins they thought you would enjoy. And, in keeping with tradition there were Peeps, a chocolate-covered marshmallow pumpkin, and a Snickers bar. Then, they wrote on some balloons that they love you and they miss you and released them at your grave, hoping they would make it to you in Heaven. I wish I still had that naivity and innocense. Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. Maybe it hurts more. I don't know. All I know, is that I'm 42 years old and I still need my Daddy.